Nigeria Here I Come!

Oh, happy day! My financial worries are at an end.

Clearly having decided that I'm too wily to get caught up in a Nigerian Bank Scam, the scammers are now offering me work! I knew that having a skeptical nature would come in handy. Allow me to share with you my good fortune. Here's the email I was sent today:

From: "WINGAS RESOURCES LTD."
To: Armchair News
Subject: PART TIME JOB OFFER
Date: Jan 30, 2007 12:22 PM

I am Dr. Rainer Seele Financial Director of wingas.

Hello, my future boss! I think you will need my services, as you've forgotten whether your company's name should be capitalized or not.

Description of Wingas:
The company deals with areas of operation like Gas Management,Gas Procurement,Gas
sales and marketing,Gas network and Gas Storage.The founder of the company was one
William McMullan, a chemist by Profession, who started the business modestly delivering
paraffin oil by Horse and cart around the streets of Belfast.

Yes, copyediting will be necessary. But how quaint, and how European: Wingas may be a German company with Russian leanings, but started waaaay back in the day in … Northern Ireland!

JOB DESCRIPTION
This project has been developed in a way not to affect your present job nor bring
you any form of stress but in order to help take care of those extra costsIt came
to my knowledge that there are a lot of lapses in handling funds that come in from
the states which come in forms of cashiers checks, company checks and money orders
and are not readily cashable outside the United States and some sent mails that
do not delivered due to lapses in courier services, So we need someone in the States
to work as our representative and assist us in processing the payments from our
various clients which come in on a weekly, monthly and annual basis. This is why
we decided to get a representative over in the states to help us pick up our payments
at your contact address you shall be providing us, in order to process our payment
from our clients.

Oh, wait, this is kind of Nigerian sounding all of a sudden. Who knew German banks were so rocky? Still, the good news is it won't be stressful or affect my current job, so I'm on board! Get me that paraffin-pulling cart horse!

So I talked to the company accountant, and it was a good idea to hire someone trustworthy
who could receive the FUNDS in the United States and this happens to be a good idea.

I'm terribly pleased that after consulting with his accountant he still believed it was a good idea.

ALL YOU NEED TO DO IS RECEIVE THIS PAYMENTS FROM OUR CLIENTS IN THE STATES GET IT
CASHED AT YOUR BANK, THEN DEDUCT YOUR PERCENTAGE (11% OF EACH PAYMENT) AND FORWARD
THE BALANCE OVER TO THE COMPANY'S FINANCE DIRECTOR VIA WESTERN UNION.Our payments
will be issued out in your name as we would inform our Clients to do.
Therefore the following details would be needed:

FULL NAME : …Gull A. Bull…………………
FULL ADDRESS : …The White House………………
CITY : …Washington, D.C………………………
STATE: ………………………..
ZIP CODE: …20006…………….
PHONE NUMBER (S) : …202-555-1212…………..
GENDER : …..Indeterminate……..
AGE : ……I'll never tell……….
I WOULD ENDEAVOUR THAT YOU NOTE THE FOLLOWING
THINGS BELOW: DO YOU HAVE A CHECKING ACCOUNT? YES/NO

See, I'm already so into this I've pre-filled out the form. And I have duly noted the question.

so we can forward it to our clients and they will start making payments to you as
the company's representative in the states
.
IF YOU ARE INTERESTED…PLEASE LET ME KNOW….AS SOON AS WE CONFIRM ANY PAYMENT
COMING TO YOU…I WILL LET YOU KNOW AND AFTER YOUR HAVE CASHED THEM…I WILL GIVE
YOU THE INFORMATION TO SEND FUNDS TO THECOMPANY'S AGENT VIA WESTERN UNION MONEY
TRANSFER.
I AWAIT YOUR URGENT RESPONSE.

I like how once we got into the Nigerian-gritty (er, nitty-gritty) of this email, suddenly the person lost control of his "all caps" key. And I like that he's assumed my response will be as urgent as his email. Then there's that copyediting problem again. Wait, he doesn't want me for those services! I will have to let him know I have more than one talent, beyond just cashing phony checks.

Warmest Regards,
The Financial Director,
Dr. Rainer Seele
Email:info_www.wingas@yahoo.de
Email: Win.Gas@Alum.com
Website:www.wingas.de

Well, on the one hand, someone's done his homework: There is a Dr. Rainer Seele in the business. Just not in the WinGas business. And he's gotten his title wrong. Well, executives can't be expected to know everything. But I will have to query them about their web access, because clearly they're unable to receive email at their fancy-dancy Web page, and have to go through both Yahoo and Alum.com, the latter of which is a free email service web page that has something to do with sports.

Maybe they want me to cash phony checks for a sports team! Yeah, that's it!

Man, I'm so excited I checked the mail this afternoon. I can't wait for my money (minus 89%) to start rolling in. Soon, baby, soon!