I can hear her from the other room on CNN. Hillary, making some kind of positive, upbeat, "see, look what I can do" speech.
I'm not mad, precisely. Just a little disheartened. And oddly sanguine, because it all makes sense.
When I got up this morning I was rousing myself from a good 36-hour long-building flu/cold thing that grabbed and shook me on Monday and said "lie down!" so I did. Got me some antibiotics in the meantime and things are moving back to normal, despite that cottony/drunk feeling I have in my head, and that I'm thirsty all the bloody time.
Anyway, I got up knowing that of course I had to vote, because I always vote and that's just how it is and yes, I do look down badly on those who don't, whatever your reasons are. Even if you vote for Bugs Bunny, you get out and do something. So, I'm about on 80 percent power but these things have to be done. And honestly, I haven't decided. I've put off deciding. I am not the decider.
Well, I'm decisive enough to know what party, that's for sure. But my record is quite poor: Other than Gov. Eliot Spitzer, I have never backed a winning candidate in a race larger than city council. In instances where I was sure it was a lock (like, oh, say 2000 and 2004) I made the grandiose gesture of knowing that New York would go blue and so I could afford to pick a third party candidate and tra-la, that will show them.
Didn't change New York, certainly, but we all know how that thinking worked out.
So I got up today trying to pick: Do I go with the candidate I think is most likely to grab Washington in the nether regions and give it a good squeezing? Or do I go with the one who knows the most folks in Washington already and knows how to caress those nether regions? And more importantly, how did this become a discussion of genitals?
See, my one success — Spitzer — has been a warning shot of reality. Yah, he got in. But Governator isn't the same as Attorney General, and all of the Old Boys in Albany circled their wagons against the Usurper who didn't have the right connections — but who did want to change things — and they got him in a headlock, hoist by his own petard, which has left things dangling and mostly useless in Albany for some time. Just like always. So my concern is that Obama, should he get elected (and, lord help us, not get shot afterwards) would be stuck in much the same position. All idealism, not nearly the connections he needs to get stuff done. Meanwhile, then there's Clinton, who is in the opposite position — she's got all of the connections. Too many connections, if you know what I mean.
So I'm on my way to the polling stations and I put on the iPod and I get Earth, Wind & Fire randomly on the player singing "Fantasy." And then I get Frankie Goes to Hollywood doing, "Relax." And in the middle of that last tune, I'm at the polling place. So while I'm really not going to say that my iPod did the choosing for me, I would like to say that I have consulted the iPod Oracle in the past, and it is worth considering.
And so, my record remains unblemished: I have still not voted for a winner in this race.
Almost makes me want to pick McCain in the general election.