In the wee small hours of the morning

It is 6:30. In the morning. On Saturday morning.

I went to bed around 2 in the morning and I woke up about an hour ago.

I'm blasted. Simply blasted. But I also can't sleep because there's a hamster going around in a wheel in my brain and he won't stop. What started out as a fairly decent evening in became, by around midnight, a sour nightmare because when I get fixed on a topic I just can't let it go until its resolved. And there's nothing about what needs resolving that I can even consider doing anything about for simply hours more.

And the truth is if I'm bright I shouldn't do anything at all. I should wait for the answers to get to me.

It got bleak enough just before 6 that I was staring at my ceiling and considering chucking everything and finding a whole new life, because in that moment it felt that everyone I had ever met, known, or cared about had completely turned out to be a waste of time and energy. And then I dialed that one back a bit. There are a few survivors now.

In the meanwhile, I'm going to try and go back to sleep momentarily.

I hate when this happens.


  1. Tea Kettle on 11/05/06 at 11:16 am

    [this is good] Yeah.  I want to quit life a lot of times when I’m in an insomniatic episode as well.  I figure maybe I could just, run away and completely start over somewhere else.  I figure most of the people I know would get over it quick enough.  I wonder who would even care enough to look for me.  Ugh.  I don’t want to think about it.

  2. Armchair News on 11/05/06 at 11:22 am

    The good news is that the next evening everything pretty much resolved itself, and I got buckets of sleep. But it’s interesting to see where your mind goes when you’re not able to stop thinking; what does emerge is a kind of clarity that you don’t want to have to re-live again, but which helps sort out the good from the useless, and remind you of what’s really important.

    Just glad it happened over the weekend, and not on a so-called school night.