Here’s a sentence you don’t get to use much: Keira Knightley was my warm up act today.

OK not precisely, but when I arrived at the downtown New York hotel lobby to meet with Lenny Abrahamson, the delightfully intense director of Room for an interview, I had to wait with the press rep for a few minutes until he finished a “business meeting” over by the fireplace. When the person he was meeting with headed out, she passed by our table and in that split second — I recognized her. (We’d spoken on the phone earlier this year and she turned out to be a lovely interview.) So if you see the pair of them working on something together in the near future, you heard it here first.

Anyway, that’s not really what I came to talk about. I came to just give a home to something that would otherwise vanish in the mists. And while it’s not awesome writing, I’m a little proud of it. For my other gig today (that one at Today.com), I was tasked with writing up Donald Trump’s appearance on Jimmy Kimmel Live! I was to focus on the “ghostwritten” children’s book Kimmel penned for Trump called Winners Aren’t Losers. It was done in the style of Dr. Seuss, and I thought it would be amusing to write the post in a Seussian rhyming style.

Well, that didn’t fly — I kind of didn’t expect it to, so no harm done. But I’d like to share the rhyme here. It’s not awesome, it doesn’t scan the whole way, but it’s like the runt of a litter. I don’t want to toss it out. So I’m tossing it here. Enjoy, or don’t, the post that never will be:

In this 2016 presidential season
There’s a Republican candidate
Who’s made lots of money
From investments and real estate

 

Donald Trump is his name and on Wednesday night
He sat down with Jimmy Kimmel
For a chat about his right-
Leaning viewpoints, noting with ease
That he should be paid to debate
And the U.S. should not give keys
To immigrants, Muslims and what’s more
His wall keeping them out will have “a big beautiful door”

 

“I’ve been a little bit divisive” he said with a grin
But Kimmel wasn’t so ready to give in
Out from under his desk he revealed a ghostwritten book
“Winners Aren’t Losers,” it’s called, so they both had a look

Done in the style of classic author Dr. Seuss, who was never a loony
But took on Hitler and Nixon in books about Yertle Turtle and Marvin Mooney
So the Seuss use was certainly on point
Just surprising to hear in a late night joint

 

So Kimmel read through the book, and some of the lines
Went a little like this — of course they did rhyme:

 

“Those losers are failures who get nothing done/Just do what I do and you’ll be number one.”

 

and

 

“Now here are some frogs I do not like at all/We must kick these frogs out/And then build a wall.”

 

and

 

“Oh, the places you’ll go/On your yacht!/On your plane!/With your suits from Milan!/And your wives from Ukraine!”

 

Kimmel finished the book, letting the final line simmer:
“Which will you be? A loser like them, or a winner…”
Then handed it over and Trump took his chance
He didn’t need to sing, and he didn’t need to dance
He just leaned forward and with a grin filled with glee
Read the punchline we all knew was coming: A winner, “Like me!”

You’re welcome. Here’s the post that actually did publish.

xo,

R

2 Comments

  1. J.H. Moncrieff on 12/18/15 at 4:57 am

    That’s awesome. Love it!

    You definitely have an interesting job.



    • Randee on 12/18/15 at 11:41 am

      It does have its moments!